The Story Behind *My Wild Ride*

Allrighty,

I figured I would enlighten everyone as to why I titled my blog *tHe RiDe Of My LiFe* (aka *my wild ride*). Some of you may know our story, some may not. By no means can this post capture the raw emotions I have felt and continue to feel while on *this ride*. I know some of you reading this can relate. Others, probably not. Just wanted to share a bit of my heart tonight. Hope that is okay.

This crazy ride began six months after I married the greatest guy ever 8 1/2 years ago. It started when we decided to try to start a family. Month after month, we were disappointed with failure. It left me questioning whether it was me, him, or both of us. Why was trying to get pregnant so dang difficult? Were we doing something wrong? These questions coursed through my brain day after day, consuming my every thought. I just didn't understand.

After 15 months of negative after negative, we decided it would be best if we saw a specialist. So, we called. At this point, our lives were about to be invaded in personal ways most could never understand. We went to our first appointment...which led to test after test...poking, prodding, blood draws, medication, ultrasounds, procedures (which I was told would more than likely produce our long-desired child). Money was thrown here and there in hopes of making our dreams come true. We were so hopeful, prayerful, excited.....only to be disappointed by failure again and again. We were broken, beaten, and bruised. Hopeless, depressed, despaired, torn. I could go on and on about how we felt back then. Why us? We kept asking ourselves that over and over.

Leaning on each other was wonderful at first. Unfortunately, it was not enough. You see, at this stage in our lives, we were not immersed believers. We didn't attend church or hang around people who did. We steered clear of anything having to do with organized religion. For the longest time, we thought we could handle everything ourselves without any higher power. We quickly realized how wrong we were. It was during the darkest moments of our infertility struggles that we reached out and asked God for healing and strength. Around this time, we were baptized and born again into Christ and haven't looked back one single time.

If you ask me, I would say that our struggles with infertility were part of God's great plan. It was what brought us to Jesus. If we would have successfully conceived a child, we may not have ever accepted Christ. We currently have 12 precious embryos waiting in Heaven for us. These little ones were lost in July of '07 during a failed IVF cycle. I stand firm in the belief that we will be reunited with these angels some day and whole-heartedly celebrate that.

Over the years, I have witnessed so many blessings from our infertility. Accepting Christ is obviously the biggest one. The adoption of our daughter is another one. I could not have asked for a more perfect child to join our family. She fits us and we fit her. It also blesses my heart to know and remain in contact with her birthfamily. I truly feel that they fit us too:)

So, as you can see, our life has been somewhat of a wild ride. It continues as we pray and wait patiently to add another child to our family. We know God will bless us in His own timing. Until then, it is hard to not wonder, dream, doubt. One thing I know for sure is that despite the ups-and-downs of infertility and adoption, my life is perfectly imperfect. I love the way things are and I wouldn't change our circumstances for anything. If infertility is what makes my relationship stronger with God, so be it.